Snakes on a Plane!
by NebulaBelt
Summary: Misfitverse oneshot. Just a theory as to how a certain movie starring Samuel Jackson got inspired.


SNAKES ON A PLANE! 

"Why are we here again?" Lance groaned as the Misfits walked through the LaGuardia Airport.

"Because," Althea said with more patience than she felt. "We got a tip that Cobra might try hijacking some of the planes here."

"Why?" Wanda asked. "What's their plan?"

"I think they're just winging it at this point." Pietro snickered.

"One more pun like that and I'll jam you in a fuselage." Wanda snapped.

"Enough!" Angelica groaned. "Let's just keep looking and see if we can find anything unusual around here."

"Besides you, you mean?" An elderly old woman sneered as she walked past.

"Yeah, we keep an eye out for old bats who escape from their belfries!" Fred retorted.

"Freddy, don't make a scene." Lina implored him as more people turned to look.

"Hey, nobody gets to make fun of the Misfits!" Todd said. "'Cept maybe the X-Geeks, and even then…wait, where was I going with this?"

"Hopefully to the nearest exit!" The old lady sniffed.

"What is your deal?" Wanda asked. "Don't you have anything better to do than hang around airports and bother people?"

"Yeah, they already have enough people like that!" Shan said, jerking his thumb at a veritable gauntlet of proselytizers and missionaries that mobbed anyone getting off a plane.

"Have you tried Hare Krishna?"

"Give to Temple Beth Israel!"

"Jesus loves you!"

"Buddha loves you more!"

"Does not!"

"Does to!"

"NOT!"

"TO!"

"Okay," The old lady grumbled. "Maybe there are more annoying menaces out there than you!" Xi blinked at her.

"You remind me of someone." He said suspiciously.

"I have no idea what you're talking about…" The old lady started to protest when Xi suddenly grabbed her hair and ripped her face off.

"Zartan!" Althea exclaimed.

"Ah crap." Zartan groaned as he was unmasked.

&&&

Meanwhile, at the concession stand:

"What d'you mean you don't have any donuts?" Roadpig bellowed at some hapless clerk with a goatee. "I wanna donut!"

"I'm not even supposed to **be** here today!" The clerk groaned.

"I'll handle this Dante," the other clerk, one in a red hat, told his friend. "Look buddy, we don't carry donuts! Get it through your thick skull!"

"Randal!" Dante hissed. "Are you insane?"

"Hey pal, nobody insults the Dreadnoks!" Buzzer snapped as he, Ripper, Monkeywrench, and Torch walked over to back up Roadpig.

"Oh please, I don't even **have** to insult you." Randal snorted. "You guys do that on your own when you dress up like rejects from Hell's Angels."

"Zanya told us not to make a scene." Monkeywrench said. "But nobody drags down the name 'Dreadnok' but us!"

"Let's mess up the place!" Roadpig hollered as he punched the countertop, cracking it.

"I'm not even supposed to **be** here today!" Dante moaned again.

"But **we** are!" Althea said as she and the other Misfits arrived, chasing after Zartan in drag. "Get them!"

"Uh-oh." Torch gulped.

"Oh yes." Fred grinned as he crackled his knuckles. "Now boarding at gate one: The non-stop flight to pain!"

"Can we please stop with the airplane puns?" Lance groaned.

"Yeah, lets get on with the Dreadnok thrashing!" Todd said as he slimed Ripper. Roadpig swung at Todd, but was knocked down by a tremor. Monkeywrench got hexed and Angelica melted Torch's boots and got them stuck the floor.

"Can't we talk about this?" Zartan gulped.

"Okay, then." Althea agreed as she grabbed him by his blouse. "Start talking. What is Cobra up to?"

On the other side of the terminal, the Cobra High Command watched the Dreadnoks defeat.

"Which part of 'keep a low profile' did those morons not understand?" The Baroness groaned.

"Probably all of it." Destro groaned in agreement.

"It doesn't matter." Cobra Commander hissed. "All we have to do is get our target and we'll make millions in ransom!"

"Our plane is taking off any minute, we have to be on it!" Dr. Mindbender reminded them. As the head snakes made their way aboard the plane they were going to hijack, Althea was busy interrogating the Dreadnoks.

"What is Cobra up to?" Althea repeated. "Don't make me ask again."

"Yer too late." Roadpig snorted. "The plane already took off!"

"Yeah." Ripper agreed. "Once they kidnap the target, they'll have us freed as part of the ransom!"

"Who are they kidnapping?" Xi said as he growled into Roadpig's face. "Who?"

&&&

On board the plane with the Cobra High Command was a tall, dark-skinned man who looked like he just wanted to enjoy a nice quiet flight. "Mr. Jackson? Samuel Jackson?"

So much for that plan.

"Yes." He sighed as he looked up into the face of woman with black hair. "I'm Samuel Jackson. Can I help you?"

"I imagine so." The Baroness grinned as she jammed a gun into his chest. The rest of the Cobra leadership, Cobra Commander, Destro, Dr. Mindbender, and the Twins, arrived. "Cobra wants to invite you to our facilities. It's an offer you **can't** refuse."

"How the hell did you get a gun onboard the plane?" Jackson shouted. Then he blinked when he saw Cobra Commander and Destro. "And how the hell did you managed to sneak threw security with **metal** masks on your **faces**?"

"It's airport—" Xamot started.

"—security." Tomax shrugged.

"Oh yeah." Jackson groaned. "Damn. You guys are going to hold me for ransom?"

"Yes!" Cobra Commander hissed. "But first, you're going to star in a movie we're making. It's all about Cobra! You get the lead part!"

"Which would be?" Jackson asked.

"**ME**!" Cobra Commander laughed. Jackson just looked at him.

"Are you completely stupid?" He asked Cobra Commander.

"Yes." Destro replied.

"There's no way in hell I could—or would—play you!" Jackson said. "For one thing, among many others, I'm **black**!"

"Well how do you know that under this mask, that I'm **not**? Hmmm? Ever thought of that! I could be a brother!" Cobra Commander shouted. The Baroness snickered.

"You're not even human, you twit!" Destro shouted. "Why the **hell** would you pretend to be black?"

"It couldn't have been Al-Qaeda." Samuel Jackson sighed. "I had to get captured by the Barnum and Bailey terrorists!"

"Silence!" Cobra Commander snapped. "With you starring in **my** movie, _Cobra: The Movie_, will make billions! And then when we ransom you, you'll be worth even more! Cobra will be rich enough to buy and sell countries like _that_!" Cobra Commander said as he snapped his fingers.

"And there's nothing that can stop us now!" Dr. Mindbender crowed.

"And I think that was our cue." Althea quipped as the Misfits appeared on the plane, courtesy of the Mass Device.

"You and your big mouth…" The Baroness glared at Mindbender.

"Get them!" Cobra Commander shrieked. Xamot and Tomax were both taken down by Wanda's hexbolts.

"I hate Misfits." Destro groaned right as Fred tossed him into the snack tray. The Baroness shrieked with rage as she was slimed and Xi kicked Mindbender in the face.

Cobra Commander smacked his hand against his face plate. "I need a better High Command." He muttered.

"Hands in the air!" Althea shouted at him.

"I'm not through yet!" Cobra Commander shrieked. "Guards, get them!" Suddenly, every passenger—including the stewardess—suddenly leaped up and pointed a gun at the Misfits.

"CO-BRAA!" They all shouted at once.

"Uh-oh." Todd gulped.

That was when Samuel Jackson leapt into action. "Enough is **enough**!" He shouted angrily. "I have **had** it with these mother-f&ing snakes on this mother-f&ing plane!" Jackson snapped as he leapt out of his seat and cold-cocked Cobra Commander with a single punch upside the head.

"Wow…" The Misfits said in amazement.

"Right, now who else wants some of this?" Jackson yelled at the Cobra operatives. They all looked at him and then at each other. Confronted with an angry Samuel Jackson they did they only thing they could do.

They dropped their guns and raised their hands in surrender.

"I thought so." Jackson snapped. "Now somebody better get me my damn peanuts before I **really** get mad!"

"Um, thanks Mr. Jackson for taking care of Cobra." Althea said as the Misfits gathered up the captured Cobra High Command.

"I can't believe those bozos wanted me to do a movie for them," Samuel Jackson grumbled.

"You know this could probably make a good movie." Todd said. Jackson blinked at him.

"Think so?" Todd shrugged.

"Hey a bunch of snakes trying to take over a plane? Screams blockbuster hit to me."

"Oh don't be ridiculous Toad." Pietro said as the Misfits readied their teleportation watches. "That's just stupid!"

As the Misfits left, Samuel Jackson rubbed his chin in thought. "That actually does sound like a good idea…all it needs is a name." He snapped his fingers. "I've got the perfect name for it! _Snakes on a Plane_!"

&&&

AND NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY THE END 

**A/N:**

**The characters of GI Joe and X-Men: Evolution are © to their respective owners.**

**Misfits are © to Red Witch.**

**Snakes on a Plane is © to its owner.**

**Dante and Randal are © to Kevin Smith.**

**Samuel Jackson belongs to no one but him. Please don't sue me!**


End file.
